Absolution
by EternallyEC
Summary: Jenny’s eyes were sad and much older than they had once been as she told Blair the full truth. “I don’t expect anything anymore. “ She turned and stepped onto the elevator in defeat. Just a short look into the mind of Little J at the end of 1x16.


**Disclaimer: **I own nothing and am making no profit from this story. Everything _Gossip Girl_ belongs to Cecily von Ziegesar, the CW and the god is that Josh Schwartz. The lyrics in the beginning are from the song _Hollywood's Not America _by Ferras.

**Summary: **Just a short look into what Jenny was feeling during the last bit of "_All About My Brother" _as she confronted Blair and then her family. I really love little J, and she truly shined during these parts of the episode.

**Timeline: **Set during the last bit of 1x16.

**Characters: **Jenny Humphrey, Blair Waldorf, Rufus Humphrey

**Author's Note: **I didn't know if Jenny's middle name had ever been revealed on the show but Allison seemed to fit with Jennifer so I just went with it.

Also, I owe someone (I forget who) on Youtube for introducing me to the song used in the beginning… It really is quite the perfect song for Jenny, and the video was amazing.

**Title: **Absolution

_And there's never any rain when you want it_

_A hollow little game and you've won it_

_Looking for a thrill but you've done it all_

_So long, put your blue jeans back on girl_

_Go home_

_Remember Hollywood's not America_

~_Hollywood's Not America; Ferras_

Standing in Blair's living room, Jennifer Allison Humphrey couldn't quite remember the reasons that she had been fighting with the girl sitting in front of her. She had admired Blair Waldorf from the moment she had met her, sensing that despite the privileges the older girl had been born with she fought for what she wanted… much like Jenny herself did.

And so Jenny wondered, had she really become so obsessed with the idea of popularity that she had acted cruelly to the one person she truly wanted to befriend in order to hang around with her much shallower clones?

"_My, my. If it isn't Little J risen from the ashes." Blair was celebrating in her recent victory in the war between them as she looked at the defeated girl in front of her._

"_I came to tell you in person… You win." Jenny admitted defeat with a quiet voice. _

"_Oh, sweetie, we just started to play," Blair told her with a smile, as though she was explaining the rules to a younger, more inexperienced rival—which she was. The only problem was that Jenny no longer fit the part._

"_No, you don't understand. I'm done—with you, with them, with all of it," she replied, meaning seeming to hang from every word as she formally withdrew from battle. _

"_Just like that? You wave the white flag?" Blair was understandably skeptical of Jenny's admission of withdrawal from the war they had been raging. It seemed almost too easy._

_Jenny's voice was filled with tears as she admitted the truth of what she had realized over the last hour. "I lied and I stole and I lost the respect of my family. For what? So I can be like you? You asked me before if it was all worth it… My answer is it's not." It was the first time that she truly realized the weight of her actions and it was all that she could do not to burst into tears right there in the middle of Blair Waldorf's living room. _

"_I tried to warn you, there's a price to pay. I always knew a girl like you couldn't afford it." Blair's voice was filled with glee and the self-importance that comes with realizing that you were right about something from the very beginning. _

"_Well you were right."_

"_Well you put up a good fight… for a freshman," Blair told her, softening a bit towards the younger girl. _

"_Thanks."_

"_Hope you don't expect a hug."_

_Jenny's eyes were sad and much older than they had once been as she told Blair the full truth. "I don't expect anything anymore. " She turned and stepped onto the elevator in defeat. _

GGGG

_When she got home, she debated between going into her room and having a good cry or joining her family for a few seconds before she let go of her dignity and asked, voice trembling, "Dad?" Her father looked at her, love shining from his eyes despite everything she had done recently, and that was what gave her the courage to continue. "Do you think it'd be okay if I joined you?" she asked, her words carrying a heavy double meaning that everyone in the room understood._

_Rufus smiled. "You know there's always room for you here," he replied, his words carrying the same double meaning as hers. _

_She sat down on the couch as Dan made some teasing comment about the game of Scrabble they were playing, and then her head was on her dad's shoulder, the tears coming as she apologized. "Dad, I'm sorry." He put one arm around her, pulling her closer as his other hand gently wrapped around her head, holding it against his chest as he rocked her as he had when she was just a baby. "I'm sorry about everything," she sobbed._

_As he pressed a kiss to the top of her head and tightened his hold on her, Jenny knew that she had received her absolution. It was in that moment that she fully realized for the first time that no matter what you did to them family would always be there for you._

_._

~~FIN


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